Authoritative Parenting

Mary A. Patterson HD 1

I. Mother
1. The Authoritative Parent is very accepting and involved in child's life, lets child make their own decisions but at the appropriate time in their life. Sometimes they'll negotiate with the child, and hear them out. They're warm and accepting to their children. Very opposite to other child rearing styles. Appropriate autonomy granting, which is being flexible with privileges and rules as the child matures and becomes trustworthy. They form a good relationship that can be firm but caring at the same time. They give reasons for their expectations.
2. Examples:Acceptance/Involvement
My mom would take many pictures of my brothers and me. She also made many video recordings of us playing with our friends, and funny things we did as we grew up. In her family-of-origin, mom was one the fifth and youngest child. She feels like they stopped taking photos after the first four kids. This made her feel unloved and unaccepted. That is why she showed her love and acceptance--that she didn't experience in her early life. She tries to make up for that which was lacking in her own childhood.
One funny moment on the video camera in 1994, she recorded my brother holding me in a wrapped towel when I got out of the bathtub. She would always wrap me up and he would hold me like I was his little baby. He'd have me say baby things like "Goo Goo Ga Ga." That was back when he was sweet.
Control
Growing up in a Christian home, I was taught the 8th commandment Thou Shalt Not Steal. At age seven, I was caught with a whoopee cushion that I had stolen from the Grocery Store. After being taken back to the store and made to confess my crime to the Manager, I was punished with one major spanking consisting of numerous swats--counted one-by-one.
When I was in 8th grade I got caught stealing once again at Longs Drug Store. I knew what I did was wrong and felt terrible when my dad picked me up. When I got home my mom sat down with me and talked to me about how I knew what I did was wrong, and she forgave me, but I was grounded for a whole month. We also abided by the store’s ruling against me; I was not allowed to go into Longs without parental supervision.
Autonomy/Granting
Throughout my adolescence I have misrepresented the truth to my parents (lied) and this has caused them difficulty to trust me at times. The adaptive control has allowed me to watch their discipline in action. I've moved 60 miles away from my hometown. In this year they have trusted me to drive to Galt and stay over nights and transport people back with me to Auburn. This wouldn't have happened last year; some of my trust was lost back then. Some parents would simply say, "No." They have seen a lot of maturity in me the past year.
II. Father1.
The Authoritative Parent is very accepting and involved in child's life, lets child make their own decisions but at the appropriate time in their life. Sometimes they'll negotiate with the child, and hear them out. They're warm and accepting to their children. Very opposite to other child rearing styles. Appropriate autonomy granting, which is being flexible with privileges and rules as the child matures and becomes trustworthy. They form a good relationship that can be firm but caring at the same time. They give reasons for their expectations.
2. Examples
Acceptance/Involvement
My dad always liked to have one on one time with each of his kids. Our father-daughter time was my favorite. We've gone to the movies, batting cages, walks, and long drives when we can talk. He is really involved in my life. I was doing horrible in school and was not doing anything to bring up my grades. He decided to take me out and home-school me himself. He started working in Auburn and commuting a couple days a week. I would come up every other week with him. He taught me to I could do work on my own. In the first semester with my dad, we completed academic work, including doing my Driver's Ed online and getting my permit and license on the first time. Learning how to drive gave me many hours of quality time with my dad.
Control
My father was strict on making sure we were in the house by our curfew for the night; not going to parties; and knowing exactly where I was and If there was going be supervision. Those were some things I had trouble being honest when I was younger. Since I wasn't allowed to be out past 11 o'clock at the beginning of my sophomore year, I figured, "Why not just sneak out?" One night I was hanging out with one of my 18 year old guy friends down the street; it was 4 am. My dad does bed checks every once in a while when he wakes up. He woke up and saw that I was not in my bed and called me on my cell. I mistakenly answered it thinking it was my brother. I told him I was down the street with my friend. My friend ran to hide in his car and I saw my dad walking toward me wearing his police uniform (He's a Police Chaplain). My dad made me call the boy but it went to his answering machine. Dad left a message saying all kinds of things and ended with, "Be a man and come talk to me." The guy did come out of hiding and my Dad lectured him, then let him go. I was grounded for 2 weeks and I lost all my parents’ trust in me. When they grounded me, I was not allowed to go anywhere and had to come straight home each day after school.
Autonomy/Granting
My dad has a lot of trust in me now; since about a year ago. I started talking classes at Sierra College Spring semester. My dad trusts that I’ll go to my classes be on time and that I will strive to do my best in each of my classes.
3. Results:
As outlined above, both of my parents exercised authoritative parenting styles. Looking at the research it would seem that I would display strong characteristics in these areas of competence an upbeat mood, self-control, task persistence, cooperativeness, high self-esteem, social and moral maturity, and favorable school performance.
Although neither of my parents were overtly permissive, I seem to exhibit some of the less-desirable traits. I will first describe specifics of development in these areas, and will attempt to explain the possible reason for what contradicts the research.
One trait I exhibit is my upbeat mood, I'm happy most of the time and I love to laugh. I was a cheerleader before I got taken out of Galt High. I was the captain on the JV Warriors. Being a cheerleader requires self-esteem, and to be in leadership; enough self-esteem that others follow my leadership.
In the area of self-control contrary to the research, this has not been one of my strong traits. Perhaps this is an area I will grow into. Recently I've been trying to work on my self control. I'm trying to get in shape for summer; that means going to they gym everyday; staying on the treadmill for a certain amount of time, etc. My impulsive self makes me want to have McDonalds or candy (or ‘something’ to eat on my way home). Recently I've been working on controlling these impulses through.
I've come to realize that the great confidence others place in me as a childcare giver (babysitter) is due to my high self-esteem. I am confident in my abilities and others see that, the parents that hire me acknowledge that fact regularly. My own parents always commended me for being great with kids. They're regular affirmation instilled positive self-esteem. When a mother of 4 children was in the hospital for their 5th baby, I was asked to watch her kids for a whole week while she was recovering from her Cesarean.
Being a pastor, my father's intent was to raise me with a strong sense of morality. I feel very strongly that babies should be protected, even if they are not yet born. I stand up for my convictions and discuss issues openly when they come up. For instance, recently I was at my friend Christina's house and abortion came up in our conversation. Christina and I feel very strongly about our Pro-Life stance. We ended up having a 2-on-2 debate with our friends. Later, Christina's dad could not resist joining in on the conversation. He had many facts that refuted their arguments, and mentioned a few things I didn't know. It was a good way to practice what I learned, and try to make other change their mind.
The text says since I was raised by authoritative parents I should have high task persistence. That is quite different than how I have behaved. I've always lacked the desire to do my school work (and other chores), until my dad took me out of school. He held me accountable for completion of my academic tasks. My first major assignment was to do a oral interview in which I discussed the semester project, recorded, edited it uploaded the final audio project on the Internet. Perhaps, I will become more task-oriented due to my father’s discipline.
My emerging morality as a young woman, has been tested recently. A long time friend told me she had leukemia and could die within 9 months . She didn't want me to tell anyone because her mom told her not to tell anyone. I felt the need to tell my parents, because I needed someone to be praying alongside me for her. My dad brought her up in front of our church and lifted her up in prayer. For months she would cry to me about her pain, and I would cry with her. It was a very emotional time in my life. One weekend my parents decided to go to Galt to pray with her parents about her leukemia, and discovered that it was a total lie. It has been a challenge on my morality to wait upon her for an explanation and to be able to forgive her.
Conclusion
As stated above I received some traits of being raised by Authoritative Parents. The traits that didn’t resemble me were from me doing what I wanted to do, and not following the way they intended to raise me. I feel great about the way the raised me and hope to raise my children the same way. The traits that didn’t resemble me are changing already, as I’m getting older and maturing.